7 Years.

Seven years ago today on the 7th Febuary 2007 I said my final goodbyes to my wonderful mother Karen.
She tried to fight off cancer for the little time that was under one year but unfortunately it got the best of her. What started of as breast cancer quickly developed into bone cancer and the words "There's nothing more we can do for you Ms McGee" passed through the doctors mouth and into the ears of my strong, wonderful mum.

With myself and my younger brother just being the tender young ages of 13 and 15 when she finally closed her eyes for the last time it was the hardest thing we've had deal with and no child so young should have to experience all that we did. We were young enough to be naive yet old enough to be wise on what was happening to my mum.

Me as a young blossoming teenager with hormones flying all over the shop was sometimes truly awful to my mother, but was I really as awful as I perceived myself to be? I think not. At times I threw a tantrum, at times I told her I hated her but what 15 year old girl doesn't when going through puberty? I spent years feeling guilty about how "nasty" I was to her but in the past year or so I've realised I was just like any other teenager yet the difference between me and my peers was my mother was dying. Once the guilt had lifted and I had realised that actually I wasn't that awful to her I started to reflect on the amazing memories me and my mother shared in her last few months of being on this earth. Late night snuggles on the sofa watching CSI and Greys Anatomy. Random photographs, drinking lots of tea, beautiful conversations of advice and giggles, her teaching me how to apply my make up properly, trips to New York and sharing a bed hearing her tell me she loved me daily and that I was her little girl, her peachy.

I've come to embrace my mothers death and although I would give up anything and everything just to share another hour with her I also wouldn't change my time with her. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her, her smile, her laugh, her advice. But I do sometimes wonder, would I have achieved all that I have to this day if it wasn't for my determination to do my mother proud after she had passed? Would I have realised how important drama and acting was to me? Would I have perused it as a career choice? I will never know. All I know is that I love her. I always will. I know that I miss her. I know that every day is slightly harder and emptier than the last with out her being around. Growing up with out my mother was one of the hardest things I've dealt with. Becoming a woman was even harder.

This week has been particularity hard as we've recently had to say goodbye to my wonderful fathers, papa my Grandad. We lost him to cancer as well. The ceremony was beautiful and I was so proud of my amazing dad for being so strong and so brave. As were the rest of my family. I'm grateful for spending so much time with my Grandad before he passed and really getting to know what a wonderfully funny man he was.

If it wasn't for my father I don't think myself or my younger brother would have gotten through any hard time we've had. Not only did he have to play the role of dad but also in some ways play the role of mum. He wiped my tears when I cried, gave me the best advice as he could have, he tried to understand me as a woman. It was hard for him. Yet he stayed so strong and so loving through out. I know I wouldn't exchange him in the world. He has become my rock. And I know my mother would be so happy that me and my father are so close now , I remember her saying once after myself and my papa argued and I insisted that I never wanted to see him again, "He's your dad peach, he loves you so much and no matter how upset or angry he gets he's still your dad and he still loves you, you don't want to argue with him, talk to him." Wise words mother wise words.

So mama, seven years have gone. Seven whole years since I last saw your beaming smile, the last time I heard your slight cheeky cockney accent, the last time I heard you tell me you loved me. As I sit here writing this I don't sit here crying I sit here smiling. Smiling because I know that the time I shared with you, although short, was the best time of my life. You've left an imprint on me and everyone else you've been around. You were contagious and that I thank you for. I still see you every day. I know your with me and I hope I keep making you proud. So let us all raise a glass for my mama, my Grandpapa and all those that may have lost someone they hold dear and all the survivors of this disgusting disease, you are all fighters.

I may not know what my future holds for me in regards to contracting cancer, all I know is I could not have done this with out my dad.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you"

Frankie Diary: A Review

For Christmas my lovely boy got me many a beautiful gift (i was a very lucky lady indeed) but one of my most favorite gifts he brought me was this frankie diary.

For anyone that knows me knows that i'm a lot a little on the disorganised side. I always leave things until the last minute such as plans and things and i'd prefer a long lazy lie in to getting up bright and early on my Saturday morning (but who doesn't right?) however frankie diary is changing this!
I attempted and failed last year at keeping myself organised with a diary however my disorganised self didn't buy one until April! Now that is a bit silly as you can imagine there was nada on the shelves. I spent about a week trying to find the most wonderful, cute diary that would inspire me to start being more organised and active however my attempts seriously flopped and I ended up buying a simple plain black one from WHSMITHS. It wasnt an awful diary but if your like me and you need something filled with pastel colours and beautiful sketchings to make you excited and motivated then this really wasn't the diary for you. I ended up spending most of my time trying to make it look wonderful with Cath Kidston stickers from my scrap book and washi tape. This wasn't a success. In the end I resulted back to just trying to remember all my most important dates.

This year however is a whole different diary story. I first spotted the frankie diary in 2013 pictured on someones beautiful instagram and i thought right there and then I NEED THIS PASTEL PINK WONDERFULNESS. However it was too late, they had all sold out and it was just me and my boring black diary. I kept an eye open across the big wide internet and stalked Frankie's website obsessively until low and behold the 2014 edition was available to pre-order! I hovered over the pre-order button until my fingers went numb, then my boy chirped up and said "I'll get you it for Christmas if you want?" I couldn't contain my excitement. I was finally going to have my very own frankie diary.

Christmas day came and so did my frankie diary. I ripped the pretty packaging open and with a grin on my face that could rival the Cheshire cats I began scouting through the pages. It was more than I could ever have wished for.

This diary is filled with wonderful illustrations, pastel colours, quirky designs and extremely useful bits and bobs, much to my delight.
As soon as you open the book you are welcomed by wonderful floral patterns and this continues throughout the whole diary each month being given there own special little floral wallpaper.

Like most diaries this has a yearly planner as well alongside the calender each month has there own beautifully sketched flower with the flower that is most common in there month, it's such a beauty to look at!

It has a helpful birthday chart at the back so you can jot down you favorites birthdays without having to flick through the whole diary, perfect for quick checks. It has its very own budget list helping a girl sort out her spends and funds. And address book for storing all those important peoples address's, notes pages for on the go thinking and beautiful tear out shopping lists which match the beautiful floral theme not to mention the handy store away pocket at the back!

I love how wonderfully organised it is and how easy frankie have made it to get to your important bits. The outside is a wonderful green colour with a beautiful cream stamp of flowers and daily journal 2014, it looks cute yet so professional. You could literally use this diary for work and play.
It's a good size as well, fitting snuggly into my hand bag and is not to heavy to carry around with you, result!

My opinion on this diary is, fantastic. If your known for being disorganised like myself and need that little extra to make you motivated to plan your weeks properly then this diary does that. Its cute flowery vintage pages make you smile as you write and turn them. The added extras are bonuses too, making sure your organised as you possibly can be. This diary is a real hit with anyone that adores cute, floral vintage patterns and those that love to be organised.
Have any of you out there purchased this wonderful diary? Or maybe you've got an equally gorgeous diary that isn't a frankie one? I'd love to hear all about your wonderful diaries and tips on being extra organised for the future!

Until next time tea drinkers! x

I took the plunge...

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11541659/?claim=a8adtb9yfsu">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

So I've decided to put my blog on bloglovin.com 

I saw a lot of blogs I follow have this and it seems pretty handy! I thought why not give it a try hey?!

I'm excited to start finding & exploring brand new blogs for me to read whilst sipping on a nice cup of tea, maybe nibbling away at a macaron or 2! It also gives people the opertunity to stumble across my blog. My main reason is to discover new sparkly, beautiful blog reads. Do any of you lovely tea sippers have bloglovin? If so what do you make of it? Is it as wonderful as it sounds? I'd love to hear your thoughts & opinions!

More 2014 posts coming soon my day dreamers!

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